Your confrontation with him was to try and get your M off life support. For a stupid infatuation. as if they were single or not a parent. I responded to his text saying You want a different life, and you should go live it. Trying the 180 my head is so confused.. If he holds this against you then he is a twisted and sick person and then you need to run far away. Its crazy, some days I feel SO good, and some days I feel SO awful. I realized that because I was acting in a predictable way and giving you the safety net, that if I would have started behaviors that were unpredictable of me, I think that would have woke you up. You barely communicate. I am abnormally sad, like a new low. So sorry for you. He wouldnt show me his phone but said hes absolutely not speaking to her and hasnt in almost a month. Second was he was proving he was changing. Its funny you said those 2 options bc during our argument the other day he said something like we will never get past this unless you see it my way, or something like that. Nothing changed. I am living proof it works. Were not getting better like you think we are he says (from our coaching session). Remember the A (or whatever he is doing) is like his drug of choice. Living like hes single but still getting to come home to me and the baby every night. Then it sticks. I didnt think I was being needy at all, but after reading somethings I see that thats exactly how ive been. You tried everything else. And that was when we were actually living apart and i was trying to do the 180. Sounds like that could be part of his impulse control issues and more. He came over last night to see the baby and I went out to dinner with friends. It pains me to think 1 year ago we were on a family vacation, I was pregnant, we were happy as ever. Given that you have some assets, you may want to protect them from him. My H early on was hoping I would demand a D so he could be with the OW but not have any blame. But it is not ok for him to drag you down the black hole of indecisiveness with him. I think your H has unreal expectations on how to reconcile & heal the M. So lets pretend hes not talking to the OW. Just remember he is addicted to his new lifestyle. Now he claims he never mean it and he was only trying to take her to the bed (yeah like if that was easier to eat). I have a close friend that cheated and is not 18 months post him coming clean and his wife calling it quits. of course not. I feel like sometimes he wants to but then sometimes thinks its too hard, and then sometimes he just doesnt want to at all bc he is so sick of me. Is this at all possible to do under the same roof without hating him? I think that woke you up a little bit. I regret getting married to him. I outed his whores on their Facebook pages I had nothing to hide or lie about funny they shut down their pages as if that changed what they did or how nasty they were to me . They may think I caved. If you want to work at a paid job to build your own financial independence then your H must agree to it. And I have my DDay2 showdown to prove I will do it. Until then, it is his issue and his problem. Some days feel good, and some days feel like absolute torture, and I dont know if its in my head and I make it worse by getting in a weird mood, or what. Thats why I love this blog. And i felt like I was completely doing it alone. I want to be me. Trust me I know what you are going through. I have come to realize that as long as she is in the fog I cannot love her enough or do enough for her to want to save our marriage. BTW after your married what was his schedule in terms of going out with friends? He said no matter how hurt or upset he is, he shouldnt say rude mean things to me that arent true. Maybe Im not handling the situation properly. Started as EA but became more than that. The longer the 180 goes on the more likely it will be that you will no longer have hope of Reconciliation. In 25 years of M the D words was never used. I tell him its not appropriate. I would just say ok to him b/c I knew I could not change his mind. Please trust me on this (and everyone else here who would give you the same advice). When I wanted to try and talk he refused. Unfortunately the spouse is the unwitting victim. Its like, do I want to be my laid back self and just stop bringing everything up and just hope our connection can grow without all the anger and just push my fears aside and stop bringing it up and try to be patient even if he IS seeing her and just focus on us getting along for now. I was completely wrong on that. The ego boost. When theyre addicted to it like you said, can ANYTHING help them come out of it? 25 years I loved him and have him the best and that is what he told me!! The only time it felt like he did was when I really made him leave and he felt remorseful and upset and was scared and I would barely speak to him for 4 days. 1. Ive posted an update on another thread as now my husband has said he wants to marry her in the future and have kids with her so I need to divorce him. It can be very little things but whatever you need to do is better than nothing. Living the single life. No! He is using that to support his evil wife persona of you. The rest of the night we were okay, his dad was here so I knew we wouldnt discuss it, we didnt discuss anything and it was a decent night. You just told me not to obsess over her anymore and here I am completely obsessing. It was totally not him and I was confused because I thought she had left town with another man. And Im also terrified he will rush into a divorce, when we have both said all along we didnt want to do that yet. c. You also tell him that you have noticed that the two of you are on two different paths. I heard from my H of 25 years that he told me I only married him to spite my parents. Because that is something I will have to handle differently. A 2 time looser. Dont live with the disrespect. He is manipulating you (like my H did to me). If he goes running off to the OW well that is on him!!! The affair started backing up again, but secretly, and turned into a PA. 3 months later, I found evidence of the affair on his computer while he was out with her. You can do this. It is important to have your $ in order, your paperwork in order, access to all financial records, bank accounts in your name alone so you have $ without having to rely on him. For two months I acted controlled and transparent. BUT if he chooses to lie then the conversation is over. Like even though right now were not reconciling, were living in limbo, together, not a couple basically, but he has still been home every night, we discuss things, he lets me know if hes running late, those type of things.I dont know. I knew him 30 years and saw him in front of me and he was a completely different person. For context, I cheated and my wife and I worked through it. Swell.. Separate. his view on me became totally negative, and that started to change recently. And he CONSTANTLY asks me if I want to go do something with my friends and he will keep the baby. I read things that say you have more power than you think, but I seriously feel powerless. And then he met this OW and everything changed. But he hasnt mentioned that in a week and just has been staying here. I started to prepare for a divorce. I want to prove to him I can make changes on my end, but he doesnt seem to want to prove to me that I can trust him again. Did she get back in touch? Maybe he feels differently, but I doubt it. No self respecting person jumps into another Relationship the next day.
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