97. 2. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. There's hundreds of them!". "Erma Bombeck, 81. Polite tennis players. But, if such a sad instance occurs and you couldn't find your favorite one-liner included in our list, add it in the comments section. Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. Looking for some witty and humorous one-liners on life? 98. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. ] [Jerry Seinfeld uses this technique. Report. So each is inevitably disappointed." Attire. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesnt work that way. Lucie Turkel is a lifestyle and culture writer covering the latest in holidays, books, movies and television, and e-commerce for RD.com. 20. Now theyre hoping for triplets so they can have a whole set. These cookies do not store any personal information. One-Liners: Our Collection of the Best One-Liners - Reader's Digest Everyones eyes glaze over before youve even warmed up. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. Co-workers are like Christmas lights. Here are some one-liners about life that will surely get a smile on your face. I am a professional, but I have a lot of Nutrasweet in my system and I dont have a good short-term memory., 3) I have, you know, a lot of things I want to discuss with you and I dont even remember what they are. "Without geometry, life is pointless." Did you find some humor and a bit of inspiration in this collection of funny quotes about life? Do you know a funny one liner? On online dating profile is found on dating profiles for both guys and find and girls which of dating profile quotes will want a funny. -Janeane Garofalo. A rich man is 0ne who isnt afraid to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper. Life is full of many ironical aspects that are beyond human comprehension. Looking for more inspiration? "Pauline Thomason, 54. Find even more icebreaker jokes in. What do you call a hippies wife? Then I want to move in with them." 12. "Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. 26. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. Two men walk into a bar. An office is a place where dreams come true." It is normal and easy to fall into the trap of autopilot and feels overwhelmed by lifes stresses, so why not take a break, have a read, and then share your favorite witty one-liners on life with loved ones to brighten their day. 22. 89. Get Readers DigestsRead Up newsletter for more humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long. $330 at NET-A-PORTER. Privacy Policy "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. "I don't care what they say about me. Put the best pick-up lines you were too lazy jokes that one liners for dating one. Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing. 94. Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. If I cared, I would have listened the first time. Knock, knock. Iconic funny movie quotes from fan favorites and cult classics like Elf, Coming to America, Mean Girls, Legally Blonde, The Big Lebowski, and more have . (Ex: Did you hear about the person who died while opening a window? "Jerry Lewis, 67. 16) There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. We hope you enjoy this website. Then quit. If you need a little extra cheering, listen to these funny podcasts during your morning commute. ~ Tallulah Bankhead, "Never argue with a woman when she's tiredor when she's rested. These quick-witted and smart quotes, one-liners, status messages, will lighten the air, add humor to your conversations, and will make it easy to break the ice show your fun side too. ~ Dumas. 15. "Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible." "Well, tell him I can't see him right now." One liner tags: communication, doctor, puns. Intelligence is like an underwear. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. Unknown, 70. Groucho Marx. Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners. One liner tags: attitude, communication, life. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? Edgar Bergen, 11. 68. Grab . "Lucille Ball, 42. Disrupting expectations or norms on a concept, situation, or idea. 80 Sarcastic One Liners - Daily Funny Quote My foot. "People say, How you stay looking so young? I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup." Now that I have children, I understand the scene in Return of the Jedi where Yoda is so tired of answering Lukes questions, he just up and dies. (iFunny). One. When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: Whose? Funny Quotes About Life Woman's Day/Getty Images 1. And I also know that I'm not blonde." These 101 funny quotes from comedians, movies, authors, and TV look at the hilarious side of life. "Never miss a good chance to shut up. One bad chapter does not mean your story is over. There are two types of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data. By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day. Robert Frost, 20. A large fortune. To prove he wasnt a chicken. Who are the best 90s television characters of all time. It gets toad away. Take my advice Im not using it. Unknown, 71. Be the life of the office and add to the company culture. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? The egomaniac holds the light bulb while the world revolves around him. Its full of surprises, and things dont always turn out the way you plan. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. 136 work jokes that are actually funny and easy to deliver. "There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it." Mindy Kaling 2. Here are 21 witty one-liners guaranteed to make you smile. There are too many witnesses for me to tell you what I really think. One liner tags: people, puns. 50 Best Funny Movie Quotes - Parade See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. It's the transition that's troublesome. eraser_dust: "Letting go of a loved one can be hard, but sometimes, it's the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.". Even if you love your job, it can be difficult to face another daunting workweek. She graduated with an individualized major in Comparative Literary and Cultural Studies from the University of Connecticut. While being motivating and inspiring are the top of the list qualities that come to mind first, another important characteristic is the ability to be funny, witty, and clever in stuck up situations. What I dont like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyllis Diller, 28. Yeah, they got him on possession. 91. It's amazing how many people have developed shockingly blue eyes since Facebook filters were invented. We recommend our users to update the browser. 21 witty one-liners so good you'll laugh out loud - Roy Sutton So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect". SnackNation is a healthy office snack delivery service that makes healthy snacking fun, life more productive, and workplaces awesome. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice. "Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. Up until then, you are just doing research." - Carl Gustav Jung 5. "I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability. Now that I have children, I understand the scene in Return of the Jedi where Yoda is so tired of answering Lukes questions, he just up and dies., People Also Ask These Questions About Icebreaker Jokes, Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? 1) Have you ever noticed [fill in with something you find interesting or funny.
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